I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
PANTIES FOUND
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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