If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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