i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
