DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
