what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am mentally ready for anal.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
