shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
