so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
