Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
