She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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