She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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