I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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