Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
