Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
