I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize