I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
