I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
