That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
