just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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