In America we eat man semen.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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