No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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