its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
