Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
