Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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