I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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