Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize