I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
