Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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