I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
