Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
