sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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