Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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