Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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