Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
