One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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