New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
