im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
