Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
