I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
sex in a hospital.. check
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I enjoy the company of your penis
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
