Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
