As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
