tell your sister to shave her snatch
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
