12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
