Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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