i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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