It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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