Tell her she can't have a vagina
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
