Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
