I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
