literally had 100 drinks last night.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
