I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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