That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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