we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
