I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
