No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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