PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize