I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
