What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
