When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
