he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
