Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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