stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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