i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
