how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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