East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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