Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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