I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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