first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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