FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
