Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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