Where did you get a picture of my penis
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
