I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
