is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
