Where is the hickey?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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