What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
