Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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