I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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