Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
