You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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