I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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