We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
