ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
