The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
