it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
NoShamevember. You game?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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