It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
