Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
