I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
