I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
