If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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