Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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