He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize