Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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