everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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