Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
