is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
