Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
