You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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