Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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